WEB Vetnews Feb 2016

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38 Feb 2016
People I Mense
Carien Human
Coming home after an amazing time of rest and travelling, I was once again made
aware of how fast time goes by and how easy it is to live a life focused on yourself.
I glanced at my colleagues’ children, who grew so tall that I thought I missed a year
somewhere. My own baby boy is developing faster than what I can keep track of. A
dear friend’s father passed away. Two others got engaged. Day by day the clock is
ticking and life just goes on.
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A s part of my new year’s
resolution of trying to
live less self-centred,
I was faced with the
question of how to
do it practically. I don’t want to just
give away the clothes I don’t wear
anymore, or find a coin to give to a
car-guard and then convince myself
that I care. I want to feel the care.
When considering ways to be practical
about truly increasing my input in
my system, deep down I knew that I
already learnt this lesson during this
past holiday.
Empathy. True and raw empathy. That
is what will help us to really care.
Let us take the drought as an example.
In all honesty and to my own shame, I
knew about the difficulties the farmers
experience. I even talked about it. But
I still watered my garden a bit, and
in doing I experienced a feeling of
guilt. Then I travelled to spend some
time with family in the Free State. I
saw the dry riverbed myself. I felt the
panic when the borehole suddenly
ran dry. I experienced the fear when
another fire broke out. After I felt and
saw all of this, I started praying that
the rain on my Johannesburg garden
should rather be sent there. I don’t feel
guilty because I am not doing my part
anymore, I rather feel a deep sorrow
and concern. Now, I care.
Empathy is defined as the ability to
understand and share the feelings of
another – “to stand in someone else’s
shoes” – I was taught. One quote I
read said that, through empathy, a
great painting becomes a mirror of
the self. Empathy is thus considered
a motivating factor for unselfish, pro-
social behaviour.
As veterinarians, empathy probably
is a concept that you are very familiar
with. In a way, it is linked to having
compassion with animals in their
suffering. I have come to realise that
is also expected of me, in my own line
of work, to have empathy. But I am
sure that you will agree with me that
there are some cases, some clients,
some stories and some situations
that just rock your boat. Where tears
will spontaneously appear in your
eyes. Where you will still ponder on
what happened long after you were
supposed to sleep. These are the times
we have the most empathy and in a
way, feel most alive.
As always, I again give you a challenge
for this month. Go out and feel.
Experience the lives and circumstances
of others in the deepest possible
way. Allow yourself to risk your own
comfort and have true empathy. See
then how easy it becomes to care. v
Regards
Carien
Carien Human is a psychologist in
Johannesburg.