Vetnuus | September 2025 39 THE WARMEST PLACE TO BE Steve Wimberley Like most children, I learned from a very young age that the milk we drink comes from cows. It was a simple fact, and being a city boy, I never questioned it. It was only when I reached my second year of veterinary school that the implications of this fact hit me. For a cow to have milk, it must fall pregnant and give birth to a calf. Cows don’t just simply have milk!! The farmer needs to know whether his cows are pregnant, and this is where the vet comes in. Pregnancy determination is done by rectal examination as early as 6 weeks after conception. As students, we were taught to feel the ovaries and uterus via the rectum, so as vets we can quickly pick up an early pregnancy. It was a bitterly cold winter morning when we set off to the farm for our first encounter with rectal examinations in dairy cows. An arctic wind swept across the veld, and the frost lay white on the ground. The sun shone from a bright blue sky, but it was too early to be of any comfort. We were wrapped up in our anoraks, gloves, scarves and beanies. Underneath, we wore the veterinary students’ standard “large animal” attire – sleeveless green overalls and white boots. We were very proud to be wearing this outfit for the first time. We arrived at the farm to find the cows all lined up eating their concentrate of maize and other delicious nutrients. This kept the front end occupied while we were busy at the rear. There was a corrugated iron roof but no walls to protect us from the freezing wind. We were very reluctant to strip down and start work. My friend Garth was the first to pluck up the courage. He took off all his wrappings and approached the first cow. We all watched with amusement. He lifted the tail and inserted his right arm. “It’s so WARM”, he shouted!! That was all the rest of us needed to get going. Next to me, another friend, Herman, was ready to go. He stripped off his outer layers to reveal a pristine green overall and boots so white they were hard to look at in the sunlight. He was German and very particular about his appearance. With confidence, he stepped forward and lifted his cow’s tail. With that, the cow grunted, arched her back and let fly with a stream of projectile green diarrhoea. The green liquid landed perfectly between Herman’s shin and boot and filled it to the brim. “Aaaaargh”, he cried and bent to inspect the damage. The second phase of diarrhoea then caught him on the back of the head and ran down his neck and under his collar. Poor Herman had to clean himself up as we were laughing too much to be of any assistance. Herman taught us a very important lesson, and from that moment on, we all approached our cows with respect, lifted the tails and stood to one side for a moment before plunging our arms into the glorious warmth!!!!! v
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