Vetnuus | October 2024 41 I hope this article finds you and your families well and safe!!! Last month we discussed the pitfalls of having a “the good old days” mindset. This month I want to look at another, all too common occurrence in our everyday life, and that is being taken for granted! We play many roles, but women more than men (generalization), are programmed to be caretakers and nurturers and encouraged to be working women. Men can also be nurturers and empaths, and if you are you will relate to this article. There are days when you may feel like a machine that provides a service to other people. How do we stop that from happening? If we do not voice our problems, we become part of the problem. What we allow will continue. It is time to take a step back and put yourself first. But how? Defining the problem Being taken for granted means that there are people that you support and always be available for. These people depend on you to always be there. In turn, because they know you will be there, it becomes, an expectation and they do not appreciate you for what you do. They assume that you will always be there to do things for them no matter what. You become a people-pleaser and push yourself to do anything that makes you feel appreciated. Respecting yourself The first thing we need to understand is that until we respect ourselves as individuals, no one else is going to respect us. Self-respect is especially important. Reflect on what you do for those you care for - calling them, chores, compliments, etc. Why do you do it? Maybe you feel good and think that they would appreciate it, thus making you feel even better. Until it becomes a habit, and it is expected. The things you do for others are not necessarily things that they cannot do for themselves. No one can make you do anything. The choice is always yours. People assume that by helping others, you increase your self-worth. While that is partly true, there is a limit. Too much good can be a terrible thing. Set boundaries! If anyone, even if it is someone you love, crosses a certain line, tell them without being rude! Do not wait for the “right time,” because it does not exist! Be assertive, polite, and consistent and make it known that there is a boundary. Anything that crosses that boundary will not be tolerated. Saying “No” does not have to make you feel guilty. It is important to put yourself first. This is not egotistical, but simply respecting yourself. “No,” does not mean you are saying it forever. If there is something that you need to get done, then do that first. If you do not take time out for yourself, no one else is going to do it for you. Put your foot down and do what you need to get done. Furthermore, what you can do is help by finding alternatives for them to solve their problem. But do not make their problem your problem. Stop depending on others for approval! No matter what you do, good or bad, people will always talk and will always think about what they want. Do not think about the things that you have no control over. Let it go and put yourself first. Let negative people go. If something is poisonous to you, would you consume it? No! Negative people, people that bring you down, people that only discourage you from moving ahead — those are poisonous to you. Take them out of your life. Face the problem If you feel a loved one or someone close to you is taking you for granted, then face them. The most important thing you can do in a relationship is to talk about your problems. Tell the person how you feel, but do not be argumentative. Do not indulge someone out of guilt. You are only enabling the behaviour. Tell them how you feel and set boundaries. Ask for what you want and talk about your expectations. Do not be afraid! Many of us let that feeling build up inside and the day we blow up! Tell the person what you expect from them because chances are, they do not know. People do not always take others for granted on purpose. If they did, they would not be in your life, to begin with. But those that make that mistake, might be doing it without realizing it or out of habit. Encourage good behaviour! When someone does something for you, appreciate it and make sure you show that appreciation. Set the example. Sometimes we feel that we show appreciation towards others, but in fact, we do not. Take time out to tell the person that they mean something to you. Tell them that you feel touched that they thought of you. Practising what we preach and expect. At the end of the day, we want to spread love and be there for one another. But that does not mean you lose yourself and your selfworth. Communicate - this is how relationships grow to be healthy. The next time you feel something, say something! Next month, we will continue looking at more ideas for improving our quality of life and overall performance both at work and at home. v Influential Life Coaching ARE YOU BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED? Dr Mats Abatzidis B.Sc. B.V.Sc. New Insights Certified VIP Life Coach mats.abatzidis@yahoo.co.za Founder of Influential Life Coaching http://www.matsaba.wix.com/drmatscoach Author of the published book “Life outside your comfort zone. Better and beyond all expectations”. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=searchalias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=Abatzidis http://www.life-coach-directory.co.za/mats-abatzidis Vet's Health I Life Coaching
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