Vetnuus | July 2024 37 I hope this article finds you and your families well and safe!!! Last month we discussed resilience, defining it and becoming aware that there are different types. In addition, I shared some tips with you on how to go about developing resilience within your own circumstances. In this month’s edition, I would like to explore empathy! Sympathy involves feeling sorry or pity for someone, whereas empathy involves understanding and sharing someone’s feelings. Sympathy is more of an external expression of emotion, while empathy is an internal emotional response. Simply put, sympathy is feeling for someone (cognitively; drives disconnection), while empathy is feeling with someone (emotionally and with a desire to understand, which drives connection and a stronger relationship). Understanding the difference between these two emotions can help us communicate and connect with others on a deeper level. Empathy is the ability to intimately feel and see another’s suffering, not just through understanding what they are going through but by being able to put themselves in another’s shoes. When expressing empathy, a person may use their personal experience to relate to another’s suffering. Types Of Empathy There are thought to be three parts to empathy that should be increased to become a better empathetic listener. These are cognitive empathy, emotive empathy, and empathic action. Cognitive empathy: This is the cognitive/thinking part of empathy and a good starting point for becoming a better empathetic listener. This is where one can imagine themselves in the distressing situation of another and think about what that would feel like. However, if this part is used without the following two parts of empathy, this may only become sympathy. Emotive empathy: This is the feeling/emotional part of empathy. With emotive empathy, an individual stands alongside the person who is suffering and feels distressed with them. This is not feeling from a place outside or apart from the person, but together with them. Empathic action: This is often the part that is difficult for many to cultivate. Empathic action often means sitting in silence and not doing anything. Many people may default to offering someone advice, solutions, or a diversion to ease their suffering; however, empathy is the opposite. Acting on empathy by offering an empathic presence to someone is one of the most powerful actions there is. How to increase your empathy - some tips for cultivating empathy: 1. Actively listen: when someone actively listens, they are not just listening to the words that are being said. They are paying close attention to what the other person is saying, getting a sense of the feelings that the speaker is expressing, and observing for non-verbal cues. Body language often communicates more information than verbal communication. Listen patiently instead of focusing on what the response should be. When the person is finished speaking, take a moment to process the information before responding. 2. Understand what the other person needs: please do not leap to conclusions about what someone needs when they tell you what they are going through. Use listening skills to figure out what they need, but if this is unclear, it is better to ask the other person what they need rather than provide the wrong kind of support. Repeating back to someone what was heard is a great way to confirm your understanding and check what someone needs. For example – saying: ‘What I am hearing is that you don’t feel valued when X happens, is that right?’can get to the point of what the other person needs. 3. Prioritize emotional intelligence: those of us who have a higher emotional intelligence tend to be more self-aware, are better able to manage themselves, are aware of social cues, and are more capable of managing relationships. Practicing ways of being more emotionally intelligent can therefore go hand-in-hand with being an empathic listener. Things to avoid: a) Avoid direct questions, arguing with what is being said, and disputing facts. This can only drive a barrier between the listener and the sufferer. Instead, fully concentrate on what is being said and how the speaker feels – try to listen more than speak. b) Do not give your own judgments and opinions unless the speaker has asked for them. Let go of these and focus on the other person’s perspective. The listener does not need to agree with everything the other person says. Rather, it is about letting the speaker know that they are cared for, and heard and that they matter. c) Do not be afraid of silence in the conversation. Silence allows one to contemplate and process their thoughts within a safe space. Sometimes all someone needs is to know that the other person is there to listen. The speaker may be considering what to say next or may need a few silent moments to process their emotions. Next month, we will continue looking at more ideas for improving our quality of life and overall performance both at work and at home. v Influential Life Coaching EMPATHY Dr Mats Abatzidis B.Sc. B.V.Sc. New Insights Certified VIP Life Coach mats.abatzidis@yahoo.co.za Founder of Influential Life Coaching http://www.matsaba.wix.com/drmatscoach Author of the published book “Life outside your comfort zone. Better and beyond all expectations”. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=searchalias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=Abatzidis http://www.life-coach-directory.co.za/mats-abatzidis Vet's Health I Life Coaching Sympathy and empathy are two closely related but distinct emotions.
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